what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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