He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
