It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
