WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize