i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
