So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
