He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
