you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish you could order shots online.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
