yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
