he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
