I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A+ Viking dick
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
