HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
