His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
