My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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