Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Michael Bay diarrhea
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Never underestimate the power of titties
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
