I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
nutella sex= disaster
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
