wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize