In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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