Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
