I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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