The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
