you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
