I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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