i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize