Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
