If i come over, it means nothing
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
