You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
