ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
