Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
