Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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