A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
