I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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