Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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