I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
