she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
