He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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