I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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