He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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