We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your penis caused this!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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