He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
