also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
