there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize