They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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