Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize