I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
