Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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