she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
