My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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