sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
