he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm always down for nudity.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
