Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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