I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
