i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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