I wish I could teleport
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
