You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Be still, my beating vagina.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize