so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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