He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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