R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
