Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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