if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
