I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
