my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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