I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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