maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
