i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
no, he came in my armpit
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
