Duck Duck Cougar?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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