What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
