She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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