just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
