I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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